Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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