What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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