It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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