Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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