u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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