its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize