I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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