The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
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