I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Couch. On fire.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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