Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize