Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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