ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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