are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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