now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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