i don't like sucking hair
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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