thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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