I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize