There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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