Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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