I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need to calm my uterus...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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