Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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