The best revenge is premature balding
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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