Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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