We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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