he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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