I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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