It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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