I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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