definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
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James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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