She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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