I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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