If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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