i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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