the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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