I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
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The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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