No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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