all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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