This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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