I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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