You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize