in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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