So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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