You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize