my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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