You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize