It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize