well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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