I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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