I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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