I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize